Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
