I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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