I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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