hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
