I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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