Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You made out with two different species that night
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
