When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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