i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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