Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
