i just wanna soil my oats bro
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
