At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
