tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
