So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
