I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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