Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
