What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
