How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
