I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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