Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
