I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
