Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
