You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
