I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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