Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
