Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
