he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize