Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
