hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
4 words: hood of his car
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
