so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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