this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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