i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
