After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
