I wish I could teleport
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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