Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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