omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
