so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
