doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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