So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
