I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
