Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
