I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize