Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
