Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
