he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
