I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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