I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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