Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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