our cab driver is having phone sex.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
