break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
