you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
