sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
try to milk me bitch
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
