Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
my liver is dry heaving
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
