Little spoons don't ask big questions
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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