my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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