just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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