Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize