At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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