So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
