Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
