I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
