Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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