i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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