I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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