none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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