So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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