he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
