Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
