I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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