remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
