dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
